- Where are my skinny jeans?
- That’s pronounced “Shar-KOO-tuh-REE!”
- Could you pick me up a large musk oil and an extra-large hair gel?
- Do these camo pants make me look fat?
- Take this back. There’s way too much cheese on these nachos.
- Where are my opera glasses? No, they aren’t with my opera cloak!
- I just don’t understand how escrow works.
- Peach wine coolers are on sale at the liquor store!
- Looks like this sweatshirt needs to be tossed.
- Let’s binge watch season four of Mad About You again.
- I insist We Built this City be the theme song for our anniversary party!
- Of course I’m okay giving my adult son an open-ended invitation to live with us.
- Give me your smallest and most expensive entrée.
- Oooooooooooo, corduroy!
- Lets drop our subscription to the Weather Channel.
- Jeez, my Twitter handle is exploding!
- Your best mullet haircut and mustache wax please.
- Great idea Kate! I’d love to go to Joanne Fabrics with you! I’ll get my coupons.
- Sorry officer, I didn’t realize there was a minimum speed on this highway.
- Kate, could you please let out more of those blood curdling screams while I drive in highway traffic? I find them soothing and relaxing.
- Road trip to the Renaissance Fair, Huzzah!
- This lawnmower is filthy and runs poorly, guess I’ll just buy a new one.
- Okay Mr. TSA man, show me in your regulations where it says I can’t take my digeridoo as a carry on item!
- Ahem, I believe that’s my fedora.
- I’m just clean out of ideas for a Halloween costume. Guess I’ll have to be a mime again.
- Writ Large, going forward, if you will, elucidate, malaise, vis a vi, per se, whilst, obfuscate, perfunctory, umbrage, nefarious, capricious, mellifluous, ergo, milieu, splendiferous. I can go on, but I’ll leave it at that.
- I finally mastered the Lutz at figure skating lessons today.
- How come none of these karaoke bars have Barry Manilow available!
- I called off paintball with the guys so we could snuggle and watch The Crown.
- Of course I want my barbeque sauce on the side. I wouldn’t want to overindulge.
- Why should I get my hands dirty when I can pay someone to fix my car?
- I am clean out of room on my shoe rack. Looks like it’s time for another tier.
- After reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull a third time, I now get it.
- Why in the world would anyone need a two-ton floor jack?
- What’s the difference between carbureted and fuel injected?
- I prefer to be called a Trekker. Our local fan chapter finds the term Trekkie derogatory.
- My mani/pedi has been moved to two, so I’ll have to meet you at the Kenny G concert.
- Really good, but it could use a little more kale.
- They sure are good drivers up here in NYC.
- Let’s get three more cats.
- I guess I’ll just have to accept that those squirrels have every right to chew the heck out of my deck.
- Sorry, this new novella series is making me hyper emotional.
- Well, at least the huge bridge tolls pay for good services in NYC.
- I wish turtleneck season would get here.
- Another round of Cosmopolitans for me and the boys!
- Yeah, that was me. Sorry, it’s the fish oil pills that make them so bad.
OR
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7 thoughts on “NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS STUFF, BUT HERE GO SOME THINGS YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER HEAR FROM THIS MIDDLE-AGED GUY”
Do I get credit for the photo?. Royal Gorge Bridge gift shop, summer of 89 if I am not mistaken.
Wow, you are good. I can’t remember my home address. Royalties are on the way.
Yes , now I am a published photographer. That is going on the old resume !
How about “I don’t want fries with that”
That is a definite on the list. Sorry I forgot.
Things that You have never said? 🙂
To the best of my knowledge, no.
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