Just Leaked: Tom Brady’s 2017 Petition to Move Super Bowl LV to Tampa: One More reason TB12 Chaps my Hide.

Reasons to move Superbowl LV to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa

• My long-range plan is to win Super Bowl LIII, dump Bill in 2020, then move to Tampa. Bill is getting even creepier. He reeks of Philly cheesesteaks and orange soda and won’t stop talking about Pokemon Go. He’s obsessed with it. Plus, Patriots fans are nuts. I’ve been asked to be the best man at 3,748 weddings of people I’ve never met, and I can’t go out without some lady throwing her undergarments at me.
• You know I’m going to win the NFC Championship for Tampa in 2021. Even if the playoffs are close, the refs will throw the game for me. They all have a man crush on me because I’m Tom Brady. So why don’t you just have it at my home field to cut my commute.
• Gisele would look even more smoking hot in Raymond James Stadium’s natural lighting, and so would I.
• I’ve already set up a Tampa conglomerate  to cater to my totally normal diet of hummingbird ear wax, potpourri bags packed by Indonesian eunuchs and Cocoa Pebbles.
• My Jedi mind tricks work better in Raymond James Stadium. You saw how successful I was in Super Bowl XLIX at convincing Pete Carroll to pass across the middle from the one-yard line, as opposed to giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch. 
• I’ve already contracted to install all my listening devices, spygate cameras and headset jammers in Tampa. Bill helped me. BTW, I already destroyed that burner phone I used to take care of all that.
• All my air pressure gauges are in Tampa.
• It would take two planes to ship all my hair care products and beauticians to Los Angeles. Wouldn’t it be more eco-friendly to keep these professionals local?
• Being in Tampa will have me closer to my super-exclusive supply of helmets and mouth pieces made of hamster cartilage. I often lose or break these items when I throw my adult hissy fits on the sidelines.
• Did I mention I’m Tom Brady?
• My future eyebrow artist refuses to leave a 47-mile radius of his Tampa home. I was extremely lucky to secure Gustaf Schtoop’s services, Jon Gruden put in a good word for me. I think we owe it to the ladies watching the Super Bowl to have me looking my best, which isn’t that difficult.
• I still haven’t figured out how to work HBO Mobile, and I don’t want to miss Game of Thrones.
• We all know I’m in bed by 8:30. Being on Pacific Standard Time could mess up my circadian rhythm and inner zen.
• I’ve already written in my calendar the game will be in Tampa, so let it be written, so let it be done.
• I’ll just finish by saying, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for, and you want to have Superbowl LV in Tampa.”
• And finally, because I’m Tom Brady.

From a disappointed Packer fan, I still think the Pack has one of the best quarterbacks to ever suit up with some of the “best in the league” talent around him. But I’ve got to hand it to Brady; the old fart won it again.

RATFARTS!!!!!!!!

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